my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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