All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
foreskin is a definite game changer
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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