Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I party with great urgency now.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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