Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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