So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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