I just pynch a tree in the face
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
