he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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