I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
