I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
