I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
