i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
