my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
