I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
