i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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