omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
