At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
