don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
