it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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