mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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