I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
