I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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