one two three fourrrrnication!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
