I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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