Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So many bounce houses so little time
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
