If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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