Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
