i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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