Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
