my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
