There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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