My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
