He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
