The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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