how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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