so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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