Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
