I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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