i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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