Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
