I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Randomize
