Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
