somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
