Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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