I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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