Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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