Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
