We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
