I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
