All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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