I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
