I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
