New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
