I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
