plz talk dirty to me
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
