Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I wear drunk well.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
