suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
