Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
